a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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