I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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