Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
