Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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