I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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