how can u be prego again
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
