Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Duck Duck Cougar?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
