final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
