I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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