He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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