Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
