i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
