I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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