Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
