i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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