I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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