she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
