Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize