drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
How does it feel to date your dad?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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