there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
