I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
