I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize