I CAN MOONWALK!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
