ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
And then he peed in my hair
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