what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
