so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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