My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
