All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
