the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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