The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
