you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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