how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
