I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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