That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
