Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I believe in your delicious
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
