lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
