Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
