There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
