so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
