Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
