my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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