I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
