This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
You can't motorboat a personality
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
