**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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