I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
