So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
