I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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