he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
