are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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