Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
