I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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