I think I am morally bankrupt
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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