that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
