Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
