so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize