Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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