it's great music for shaving your balls
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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