This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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