I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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