cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
she smelled like a LAN party
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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