I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
