I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
