its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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