I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
