There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
