Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
