office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
