You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
