It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize